Today’s column is for all the bleeding hearts out there. Please share it with someone with a dry pump on Valentine’s Day.
Remember, this can be a hard and confusing time for the heartless. While people with working tickers are fawning over someone they’re sweet on, those without are driving around parking lots looking for a handicap spot to take.
While we normal humans are looking for a card that perfectly describes the emotional bonds that ties us to our honey, there are zombies out there looking for brains to eat and immigrant families to break up.
It’s hard to tell if there really are more heartless among us or if our social media reality tv addled society just reflects their presence more brightly. Let’s be honest, “Love thy Neighbor” is about as popular today as Bill Cosby.
Although our neighboring state still hangs to the motto “Virginia is for Lovers,” it’s hard to find examples. True, their governor seems to love 19th century theater and the lieutenant governor styles himself as a modern day Cassanova, but these lean more to the burned-out sump pump variety of admirer.
Perhaps the Old Dominion should update its motto to “Virginia is for Lovers of Monuments to Dead Slave Owners.” It might not do much for tourism, but parks can save lots of money on lighting since those particular monument lovers tend to carry their own torches.
Let’s face it, heartless is pretty much the flavor of the month in America and it’s been flavor of the month for years. We love egotistical jerks who have never actually done anything in their lives. We believe they have something to say we need to hear, which explains Justin Bieber and Anyone Kardashian.
Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Bill Maher and Joy Behar may fall on different ends of the political spectrum, but all four and dozens of others come from the same end of the body politic. And it’s the end that doesn’t smell good at all.
A listing of the elected class who hail from the rectal area of that body also crosses the political spectrum. As deplorable as the current Oval Office occupant really is, the one before had a pretty strong streak of egotistical jerk too. He just had the vocabulary to mask the scent most of the time.
So remember you strong-hearted Americans in love with all things love, this is no time to look down on the wretched dried up husks masquerading as humans in our society. It is the time to help them, to reach out to them, to show them that there is a better way.
Run down to your purveyor of Valentine’s Day puffery and get a nice card, a box of chocolates and rose bud in a simple vase. Then reach out to the nearest heartless person you can find. It’s a day for lovers and it’s up to each of you to lead the way for these poor unfortunates.
Give them an example of what a life caring for other people looks like. Show them the joys of an overflowing heart.
It it doesn’t work, don’t fret. Valentine’s Day is over tomorrow, just go back to “Walking Dead” mode to deal with them.